Happy Holidays... and other rants.

Well Christmas is over, which is fine with me. I really love the family part of Christmas, however I do not enjoy the month (or more) long focus on gifts and cooking and other stress, along with college finals and all the other stuff. I hardly ever get into the 'Christmas spirit' more than one or two days in advance, although I really do enjoy Christmas when we are actually celebrating it.

Anyway, last weekend we went to Kansas City area to visit Stephen's family... well his two brothers anyway and their families. We were able to see each of our four nieces, and they all enjoyed the gifts we got them. Everything went super well other than Stephen's brother John coming down with strep throat and that put a little kink in our plans for a minute. We had a wonderful time and I couldn't believe how big all the girls were since I last saw them. I cannot wait until we all live closer again.



Then this weekend Shyann stayed with me and we spent the majority of our time playing games. Today Shyann, Aunt Tracey, My mom, and I all went over to grandma's for Christmas dinner. Tracey and I cooked and the food was great. Not to mention we all got along for the most part which is usually unheard of. I was really happy, but most of all I am sure it made our grandma happy too. We really did have a pretty good time.


So Christmas went really well, which is good because next year there is a good chance that I might be living somewhere else, so I wanted to make sure this year had some good memories.



On other rants; a lot of things have been bothering me.
For one; I have been sick for nearly two months off and on, and it is really getting to me! Stephen seems to be sick too and that just makes it worse. I know this is probably all just my nerves and stress but it is seriously getting old.
Also, I finished the semester, so that is a big relief.... However, I ended up failing Sociology (mostly because my teacher SUCKED!) but anyway... that doesn't look very good. However, I got all A's and B's in my other classes, so that is good news.
My mom is talking about weird things again. (Does she ever stop??) Anyway... so now she is saying that she is talking to Chris. (my friend that died a while back) and that he has told her some things, like that we all need to pray him into heaven, and he is apologizing. Also I guess he wanted my Aunt Tracey to know that she would see her son in heaven when she got there? So I guess my aunts son who she gave up for adoption when she was sixteen might be dead? I don't really know what to believe. Most of me wants to say that my mom is just crazy and needs help herself, but then I am not too sure. What if she really is hearing stuff? I don't think it is a good thing either way, but I would hate to have to live with the fact that I didn't tell Chris' mom to help pray him in if that really is something that needs to be done. Then again; I don't really believe that people can pray you into heaven... I always thought that had to be a personal decision you made with God. I know Chris believed in God, but I am not too confident about the relationship... and this is kind of getting to me. :/
In other news, I still have a couple of weeks left before I can take another pregnancy test to find out if our efforts worked this month. Most of me REALLY wants to see two red lines, but there is still that small part that is totally freaked out due to bills and other uncertainties in life. Then I tell myself, can we really base our life on uncertainties? Because in all honestly... the only thing for certain is uncertainty anyway.

Anyway; the good news is I am out of classes until January 18th so I have a little time to relax and try to enjoy life a little before I kill myself again.

Woooooooooooooooooooooooo... ba.

Month One.

Well... Month one of trying, no such luck. I'm not pregnant....
Oh well, It's only been one month.
And I was super sick anyway, so it's probably good a fetus wasn't exposed to all the medications they had me on.

Better luck next month. Now I will be trying for a September baby. <3

The dumps.

Yeah... I am "down in the dumps" as one would say. In more than one way.

After Chris died, I have been pretty upset. Not a lot I can do about it though, I continued to go to work and try to be active in school... with not a lot of success.

I have been sick for three weeks, right before Chris died I got really sick and I haven't been able to shake it off. :/

Finally last night my husband made me go to the doctor, who then made me go to the hospital... Where they beat me up all night running tests, poking me with needles, etc.

I was severely dehydrated and they found an ovarian cyst. Also, were aren't sure exactly... but they know I have "infectious diarrhea" Although they aren't sure the infection exactly. :/ Probably Ecoli or something awful, Since I know my mom had that.

Anyway... so with all the Chris stuff, and then being sick, and then being in the hospital I have managed to do so awful in one of my classes, that it doesn't matter if I get 100% on everything else, I will still fail. My teacher refused to work with me, even though she hid most of the stuff and I didn't know about it.

So I will not be able to graduate in May with two degrees. I can graduate with the one if I want to though.

I am really worried. I think I am killing myself with all this school and work stuff going on. :/ If I still want to get both degrees I will have to go until July at least, and I will have to take 16 credit hours again next semester, and then 6 in the summer.

I guess I will do it though... I have not much of a choice. I don't want one crappy teacher and one bad situation to reuin my life... but at the same time, I don't want to waste my life on school and kill myself. I can't afford to not work, so something's gotta give. Ugh.

Anyway... I don't know what to do. Especially with trying to have a baby. There is a chance I could already be pregnant and just don't know... I don't want to stress myself out even more during a pregnancy, you know? I also don't want to be killing myself after my child is born though, which means I need to suck it up and do it now. BLAH.